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Hi Hazel,
It's a difficult one isn't it? I guess to some extent it depends upon personal circumstances, as Elaine says, if you intend being full time I don't see that you have much choice. If not, then it's a matter of balancing what might be gained against what might be lost.
In my own case, other than San, I don't really think it's anybody's business, any more than what you might like to do in the bedroom or how much money you might have in the bank. But, we have no children, brothers, sisters or parents to consider nor other relatives who live close by. I play a bit of golf as part of a group of about a dozen who just meet up and draw for partners and I've often wondered what would happen if I told them. Would they feel better for knowing and would I? I doubt it, so why create waves?
I am a bit odd in some ways in that I am a fairly private person but, on the other hand, I don't worry too much about anybody finding out. Where we lived in Chester until a couple of years ago, the neighbours in our little close must all have known, they could hardly miss me coming and going. Certainly, I take few steps to protect my male indentity, as a quick Whois check will reveal and I often book restaurants and hotels in my male name.
So I am quite public while at the same time keeping things to myself. I have recently applied for a very part-time, voluntary post with Press For Change that requires someone who, if Trans, is “out” in that they need to be able to speak with all sorts of groups and public bodies. That does not worry me in the least.
San recently told a couple of friends about me, Jan and Andrew who some of you will meet at the Burlesque night. Andrew is gay and had already picked it up – I wonder who else I know has done so but never said anything?
However, we all need to bear in mind that, as Elaine also said, “that once told, things can never be untold”, something I have been very forcibly reminded of over the last year.
San and I have, or I should say had, two gay friends in our village here in France, the only two people I have ever told, who decided to out me in the most horrible way. What's worse is that it was intended as a way of getting at San who, quite understandably, has never wanted me to be too public in France, at least not in the village. Their intention seems to have been to have us ostracised us by all the Brits, so much so that they have taken, earlier this year, to inviting people round and showing them pictures of me.
What has happened is the exact opposite of what they expected and they are ignored, sometimes quite pointedly, by everyone else. As you might expect this has lead to a few heated exchanges, the last of which has brought them to the point of almost being banned from the local bar. Had this happened at home I would not hesitate to take a complaint to the Police!
We now seem to be flavour of the month around the village and the centre of whatever is going on. That's nice, but we always have the feeling that there are questions people would like to ask but are afraid to do so. I wish they would.
But it's a warning that while it's nice to have support and acceptance from people it can go horribly wrong!
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Astrid x
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. Needless to say I think it has rasied a few questions with some family. Today I am meeting my sister, I am considering telling her about Hazel and I am going armed with a few photos. There is a strong possibility I'll say nothing at all, perhaps wait to se if she talks about the evening herself. I am very nervous that this could all hit the fan, but if a do tell her I am hoping I'll feel the relief I felt on Saturday dressed and with family. Anyway I'll be sure to post an update if anything transpires.
However, a word of caution and I'm sure you will agree, just because things went well with your sister, it does not mean it could do with other members of the family or friends if you have ever thoughts to tell them too, so be careful in the future. 
